TMI...

It has been "suggested" that I give to much information. Especially pertaining to my tummy issues. I have thought long and hard about that....and even asked myself why I would share that information. There are a lot of side effects to chemo that I have not mentioned at all. Some painful, some private, some I'd like to forget. But I do not back down from sharing what I have written. This is a journal for me of my journey through breast cancer. I find humor in some of it. And in reality, sometimes you have to laugh about it or you will cry. The mind and body are very forgiving. The mind has a way of erasing some of the worst moments of your life, both emotionally and with pain. It is a protective barrier we all have. I also share some of things because with my cancer it is all internal. Sure, I lost my hair, but that is probobly the only outward change in my appearance. When someone is injured or has surgery there are casts, wheelchairs, crutches ect...to remind you of what the person has gone through. With cancer, especially mine, there is nothing on the outside to see. So when I am asked "how are you feeling?" and I answer "good", that means there are always things going on inside me that makes me not 100%. When I answer "I feel like me again", I really am feeling great that day!! Probobly 80-85% ME!! I guess to me it was an unwritten code that I didn't share with anyone. "Feeling good" means I'm getting there, but I'm beat up inside. This week has been a tough week on my stomach again. But the mouth sores are much better. I don't have much of a taste yet. My feet and hands have not been numb this week. That has been something I have enjoyed!! It's hard walking around when your feet are numb! I have had a bloody nose every morning for the last two weeks. It's not a problem just an inconvience. It comes from the skin in my nose being thin and no nose hairs! So everything I breath irratates my nostrils. It's little things like that that are daily reminders of what your body is dealing with. The body is an amazing machine! I have the most respect for mine! There was about 24 hours that I was upset with my body. I have never abused it. Rarely drink, never did drugs and all of a suddent it was attacking me. But through research I have learned that we all have cancer cells in our body. It's when those cells begin to bunch up together and grow that tumors begin. That can happen because of poor diet, injury ect..when the body can't heal itself. In my case, it was stress. the stress in my life, because of a situation at work, caused my immune system to weaken and attack. I was heartbroke to learn I would always have cancer. And felt my body failed me. But then I looked at it the other way, my lymph nodes, which appeared CLEAN in all my scans and tests were actually packed full of cancer cells and bad tissue. So, in reality, my body really had done a great job of protecting the best it could. I am taking a pill twice a day for my hot flashes. They have been cut by more than half!! And only a couple of times have I had them at night. That in turn has allowed me some better nights sleep! Which gives me some energy!