Through My Daughter's Eyes - One Month.

We have made it through the most challenging, heart-breaking, and worst month of our whole lives. After experiencing a month without my Mom, I'm not sure how I am supposed make it the rest of my life without her.

I knew how lucky I was to have her when she was here...but her not being here, has taken that to a whole new level. That little saying, "you don't know what you have until it's gone", is now ringing so true. I have thought about her ALL day long, every day. I see her everywhere. EVERY thing reminds me of her. I have so many special memories of her which I am so thankful for but at the same time, my heart breaks knowing all of the things that I won't get to do with her anymore. I had so much fun with her. I had so much to look forward to with her and now that future has been taken away from me, from her husband and from my brothers. It just doesn't seem fair.

I'll never forget standing in front of a room full of people at Mom's memorial, and making eye contact with someone each time I looked up. Each time I would see someone, I would instantly think, "oh my gosh my Mom loved them so much"...or, "Wow. I remember how much they loved my Mom". Just as people are feeling sympathy for my family, my heart breaks for SO many people as I know we are not the only ones mourning in this loss, a huge loss.

This might have been a pretty depressing post, and I apologize for that. I don't think Mom would be very proud of me for this, but over the past month, I've found myself trying to be strong for other people, to not cry in front of others in fear of making them feel uncomfortable. When other people have been sad, my mind goes a million miles a minute just trying to think of something, anything to comfort them. But there comes a point in this situation, where you just have to let yourself be sad sometimes. Let yourself be upset. Let yourself be angry. So here I am letting myself be sad, upset and angry yet still remaining hopeful that brighter days are ahead.

Now- go hug your Mom. Or call her. Or send her a text. And don't ever be shy in letting her know how much you love her. Don't hold back anything from her. Life's too short for that.

Love,

Deb's daughter