Friday, April 4, 2014

Through My Daughter's Eyes - Fridays.

Every morning is the same... I wake up and have to ask myself, "Is this real or was that a nightmare?" followed by "Wait, is she really gone?" and once I wake up a little more, I realize that the nightmare is true, that this really is my new life. Anger then follows pretty quickly. Next comes heartache. Then I start to think of all the things that she did in the mornings. She loved morning time. Mornings just aren't a lot of fun these days.

On top of mornings being a hard part of the day... Fridays are now a new territory for me also, seen a whole different light. Fridays are supposed to be fun.

Years ago when I was in college, I came home every single weekend back to Brenham to work and see my family. Every single weekend is no exaggeration, I never spent one Friday or Saturday night in Huntsville. I never questioned it either. I had a job here in Brenham, my family was in Brenham, and therefore, I wanted to be in Brenham. Looking back now I am so thankful that I never thought twice about it and always came home. God always leads you home.

Then starting in August of 2012- Fridays meet chemo day for Mom. Y'all, I cannot put into words how absolutely awesome my Mom was. I will never forget one time I went in to see her during her treatment. She had already started, and was sitting there so contently with her blanket, pillow and iPad just hanging out. I did a quick scan of the room that was filled with people doing the same thing as her, hooked up to machines receiving these treatments. My eyes caught glimpse of a few 'Must Be Heaven pies' and I said "Oh that's nice that they give you all pie here" and she smiled and said "No I brought them for everyone"...'Of course she did', was my first thought. She was always thinking of something she could do for others. To brighten someones day. These were complete strangers to her but I know without a doubt that none of them felt like a stranger to her, nobody that ever met my Mom felt like a stranger. I cannot put into words how much I miss her just typing this. Her heart was made of gold.

Now, Fridays sting. My Mom became pain-free and went to Heaven on a Friday. On Fridays I now wake up and am reminded of how many weeks it has been since my Mom has been gone. This brings a type of pain that I never thought could ever exist. My silver-lining on this Friday is that I am headed later this afternoon to Dallas to spend the weekend with my brother and his girlfriend. My heart is so full of love for both of them. I am excited to get away for the weekend and I know that our conversations will be filled with memories of our Mom and that gets me even more excited. I love, love, love talking about her.

Go hug your Mom now. Happy Friday :)

Love,
Deb’s very proud daughter

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