Walking on the sidewalk beside the road....

It is not possible to stay on the sidewalk during this journey and never walk over the bump in the road.  That bump in the road extends to the sidewalk beside the road also.

Sometimes that bump feels like ant hill.  Sometimes it feels like a slight incline.  Today it felt like a mountain.  No more walking on the sidewalk and thinking I can get by the bump without climbing it.

The drainage tube is still in.  It is doing it's job of removing the "junk" my body is making.  Because it is still collecting alot of liquid, it was not safe to remove it.  Removing it would make the area under my arm collect the liquid and cause trouble.  So, I must now wait until Friday morning to see if it can be removed.

My appointment today was at 9:40 a.m. I didn't get into a room until 10:45 a.m.  I don't know if they overbook or what, but it sure caused my blood pressure to go through the roof.  That gave me a headache and the headache gave me an upset stomach.  They tested my thyroid to make sure it was working and the report came back that it was in the "normal" range.  Someone needs to inform these people there is no "normal range" for me!!! Unique--yes, Normal-- NEVER!!

I learned today that the numbness in my arm and under arm is probably permanent.  Because of the area in which the lymph nodes were removed was so large, the nerves were cut.  And as we know, nerves don't repair/regrow.  So it feels like a permanent withdrawal of Novocaine that never fully clears up.  The good news:....you could poke me with an ice pick and I won't feel it! LOL

The pathology report had come in, and the surgeon got to be the bearer of bad news.  Some of the margins were positive.  What does that mean?  Well, the surgeon removes the mass PLUS tissue all the way around the mass.  The extra tissue is to ensure that no cancer cells are left behind.  The surgeon marks the mass and corresponds those marks to the skin left in my breast.  That way, if the area he takes out is not completely clear of cancer cells, the pathology report tells him where to go back and take out more. 

And so, a second surgery is necessary.  Crazy Horse sucked air that was probably heard in the next room.  It was a moment that he was hoping to protect me from and couldn't.  It was a moment I wish I didn't have to live.  But in order to LIVE, I will live the moment. 

I will see my surgeon on  our Fair Holiday and see what kind of timeline we will have for the second surgery.  Thank goodness my underarm will not be touched!!  So the recovery time will be faster the second time around. 

My mind is sound and know what is going on, what needs to be done and to take care of myself.  It's my heart that breaks.  Having to tell my family that some was missed is really harder than telling them the first time.  My head and my heart are not in line with each other.  This is one of the times this blog does more for me than it does for you.  Until I have them both in line with each other, I don't want to talk about it.  You can read it....and know what's going on.

What can you do for me?  More of the same.  I appreciate the notes, texts, emails, stuffed animal (Thank you Kimberly), banana bread (thank you Tracy G) and thoughts and prayers (everyone!).  Sometimes I am overwhelmed with what is going on, what is coming or the numbness is driving me crazy!! But I love hearing from you! 

Tomorrow is Wednesday, September 12th.  And I am heading back to school.  I have the perfect outfit picked out to hide my drainage tube! LOL I hope to make it all day, but if I don't, I don't.  I have a family at Brenham Middle School (ie Sean) that loves me and wants what's best for me.  So I will lean on them if I need to.